The One Who Ruined The Plot
by gotdamn M
Summary: In which Acnologia has a father that was friends with Natsu back in the day, Natsu likes to experiment with bringing people back from the dead, and the guild get's caught in the middle of it all. - Crackfic!
1. What's with that Dragon?

In which Acnologia had a dragon father who was best friends with Natsu back in the day, Natsu likes to experiment with bringing people back from the dead and the guild is caught in the middle of it all.

Almost all of the dialogue was inspired by conversations with ef07, seriously, couldn't of made this without em'!

Spoilers for chapter 436.

* * *

If you would've told Team Natsu they would be fighting against one of the demons from Zerefs books, Lullaby, they probably wouldn't have accepted Erza's offer to go and make sure the dark guild Eisenwald didn't cause any trouble. At this point they just wished someone would get a giant dragon to defeat this guy for them.

"Yo! E.N.D!"

Huh. Who would've thought…

"Nooo! E.N.D-sama! Don't sick Bob on me! Please!"

Woah, they hadn't expected Lullaby to be able to talk. But, then again, they also didn't expect a giant dragon to come down and defeat lullaby for them.

This day was full of surprises.

The next time they saw this "Bob" character had been on Garuna Island, when they were fighting Deliora, a demon Ur had sealed, only to be un-sealed by one of her apprentices, Leon.

They got ready to fight, activating their magic, they were gonna' destroy this demo-

"Sup' E.N.D!"

This "Bob" crashed into Deliora, crushing it into pieces.

Now, they did research on this "E.N.D" that Bob always referred to, and learned that he was another demon of Zeref's book, but he was obviously referring to one of them, so it couldn't possibly have been the one Bob was talking about.

Right?

They hadn't seen Bob for quite a while after that. They hadn't given it much thought actually, they wondered about it before, but they reasoned that he probably just realized that this "E.N.D" wasn't in Fairy Tail.

Well, they thought that anyway.

They were at Tenrou for the S-class exams, only, they weren't the only ones planning to be there that day it seemed.

They were attacking Acnologia, and nothing seemed to work! They weren't going to give up though!

And- Wait? What was that? Behind him, it almost looked like-

Another dragon?

Was that Bob?

"Hey son!"

Yup, that was Bob alright, they'd recognize that voice anywhere. Wait, son? Well… there was an uncanny resemblance between the two…

"DAD I'M TRYING TO DESTROY THESE PEOPLE!"

Where did the second voice come from? Was it? No, it couldn't be from Acnologia, could it?

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. See that one with pink hair?" Bob said, pointing at a general direction towards the ground, still looking at his 'son'.

Whoa, hold up a sec. Pink hair? Does he mean-

"IT AIN'T PINK, IT'S SALMON!"

Yep. He meant Natsu.

"Yeah, him, he's E.N.D, remember? The demon I always talk about?" Bob continued, "I'll be very disappointed if you attack him, son."

"GODDAMMIT!"

"Thanks Bob!" Natsu yelled, somehow getting them to hear him even though he was about 100 feet below them.

They had no idea what just happened, or why, but at the moment they were just relived that they had not been killed by the dragon of apocalypse.

As they watched both Bob and Acnologia fly away, they all simultaneously thought,

'I'll ask him later.'


	2. You have a basement?

Summary: When Team Natsu found a seemingly secret room in Natsu's house, the last thing they expected to find was a lab.

* * *

Team Natsu had gone to see why Natsu hadn't arrived to the train station for their last job, thus making them miss the train. When they arrived at his house to see him nowhere to be found, you could imagine their confusion.

"Where is flame-brai-" Gray started.

He was cut off as a large rumbling shook the house, a few cups and picture frames fell off the tables and shelves they were on.

"Is everyone okay?!" Erza asked.

"I'm fine." Lucy said "But we don't usually have earthquakes around here."

"Guys... I don't think that was an earthquake..." Gray noted.

"What do you mea-" Erza started, but was cut short when she noticed just what Gray was pointing at.

In the supposed 'earthquake' a shelf fell down, revealing a hidden room.

As they walked down the recently revealed stairs, they pondered what exactly this was, or at least, how it got here. Perhaps Natsu in fact didn't build the house, and this was the old owners room, but Natsu had to have found this room after seven years of residence in this old shack, right?

Just as they glanced inside a room filled with books with a cozy fire lit, they heard something most peculiar.

"IT'S ALIVE!"

They rushed towards the sound, ignoring the thoughts bubbling at the back of their minds saying 'perhaps this isn't safe...'

When they finally reached a doorway, they did not expect to see Natsu of all people, bearing a lab coat and goggles, holding a blinking abomination of a creature over his head, as if it were some kind of prize.

"Natsu!?" Team Natsu exclaimed.

"Hm?" Natsu turned around, just noticing the group. "Hi guys!"

"Hi guys?!" Lucy mimicked. "Are you not going to give any explanation?"

"Ah, don't worry, just me playing around with life and death, as usual." Natsu absentmindedly said, returning to his work.

"What!? That's black magic!" Erza bellowed, getting more peeved by the minute.

"Shhh" Natsu said, not taking his eyes off the... thing he had seemingly created. "I'm working here"

Ooooh crap! He did not just shush Erza. Oh how they pitied the poor soul.

He continued to work, only angering her more. He would be bedridden for weeks at this point!

Just as she was about to put him in his place, they suddenly heard the sound of shattering glass behind them.

Now this! This got Natsu's attention. He whipped around so fast the group feared he may of gotten whiplash, as he stared fearfully at a broken test-tube-like container.

"Oh shit!" Now he was worried. "Everyone out! Quick!"

He pushed them out hurriedly, somehow getting them up the stairs and out the door despite there being three of them and one of him.

He closed the door behind them, they were about to storm right back in there and ask what the hell was going on, but they stopped before grabbing the door handle when they heard a roar come from inside the house.

'Alright, get help first. questions later.' They thought, while running towards the guild to get the master.

* * *

Whew, 'nother chapter up! Sorry it took so long! Well, I don't know the point of which a story gets to the point of a long waiting time for new chapters.. How long ago did I post the first chapter? I don't even know...

Once again, Science!Natsu was thought up while talking with ef07, so I have to give em' some credit, right? Oh well. Lucky for them, I'm feeling generous. ;)


	3. One Hell of a Boring Book

Summary: Why didn't anyone tell the gang that Natsu could read in a 400 year old language?

* * *

"Naaaatsssuuuuu..." Lucy whined. "I need moneeeeyyy..."

"FINE" Natsu shouted, startling a few others near by, but they quickly went back to whatever they were doing, listing it off as common Natsu behavior. "Go get a job from the board."

As Lucy was looking at the board, she noticed one that caught her attention.

Wanted: A mage who excels in translating! A 400 year old book was recently discovered, and it seems that it has been written in some kind of ancient language. For the one who manages to translate it, a reward of 77,777 Jewels shall be given!

Hmmm... The price was decent, and there probably wouldn't be a fight... Alright, Team Natsu on the case! Plus Levy, of course...

* * *

"I'm so glad you came!" The man greeted with a smile. "We've had people try before, but they just couldn't crack it!"

Lucy gave him a questioning glace before asking "Really? Can we see the book?"

The man smiled again before pulling a book about the size of a dictionary. "T-that's the one?" They asked, obviously shocked by the size of the book.

The man's smile seemed to falter slightly. "You can quit now if you don't think you could handle it..."

Levy was the one to answer this time; "No! We were just surprise by the size is all."

The man's smile returned almost immediately. "Good! Good! I'll leave you to it then!"

They waited until the door closed before letting out a breath they hadn't known they had been holding. "Well, we better get started on this then..." Lucy sighed.

* * *

Why was this book so hard to translate?! They had been working on it for hours, not to mention Natsu had been bugging them to see the book, as they had kept it away from him for the books safety. Couldn't he just sit still for once and- "You sure you don't want me to try? You look really tired." There he was again, looking over Lucy's shoulder, who currently had the book. She quickly moved it towards the opposite direction of Natsu.

"Stop that! You'll end up burning it or something!" Lucy angrily said.

"Oh come on, I'm not that clumsy!" Natsu retorted back.

Lucy sighed. Of course he wasn't that clumsy... Maybe she should give him a chance... And the hurt look he was giving her was just too much!

With a defeated look she wordlessly handed it to him. The exited face he was making was a huge contrast to the sad expression he wore just moments ago.

"Thanks Lucy!"

He looked at the book for a minute, before frowning. "Why are we translating this book again? Its booooring~."

"Because it's our job. If your just gonna sit there and stare at it give it back."

"I mean, Meeseeks? They went extinct almost 300 years ago!" Natsu absentmindedly noted, not taking his eyes off the book.

Team Natsu seemed to all shoot up at this. "You can read it?!" They hadn't just wasted all that time, had they?

Natsu stole a quick glance before he continued reading "Yeah? Why do you think I kept asking for it?"

"Why didn't you just say so!?"

"Seriously, those blue things, ANNOYING!"

"ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION"

"Jesus Christ yell any louder why don't you?"

"Now now! What seems to be the problem?" The man asked, just now returning to the room.

Natsu looked up. "Yo! I got your book for you!"

The man seemed surprised before asking. "You can read it?"

"Yup."

"Why didn't you do so earlier?"

"They wouldn't let me have the book."

The man now shifted his glare on to the other fairy tail members. "Why didn't you let him have the book?!"

"W-well" This dude was scary when he was angry. "We didn't think he could read it and-"

"All you've done is waste my time!" The man bellowed. "I will be giving all the money to this young man, what is your name sir?"

As Natsu introduced himself Team Natsu wondered; What the fuck is going on here?

* * *

On there way home from the job they had spent hours on, and the job only Natsu got money for, Natsu of all people! Gray finally asked; "How did you know how to read that?"

Natsu looked confused for a second before replying. "Ohhhh! Yeah, that. I forgot, I never told you how old I am, have I?"

"WHAT!?"

* * *

Alright, 'nother chapter up. Let me just say, yes. I may or may not of put a reference to Rick and Morty with the Meeseeks thing. I regret nothing!

Most concepts inspired by conversations with ef07.


	4. Who keeps a body for 400 years?

Summary: When Zeref got his brother back after four hundred years, he hadn't expected him to make some very good points.

* * *

He had done it. After year after year of suffering and bloodshed, he had done it. He had brought his brother back.

With a little force he broke the egg-like shape his brother was trapped in, releasing him from the confines of the oval.

"Zeref..?" A meek voice called out. The man, now known as Zeref, picked the source of the voice up, a young boy.

"I can't believe it.." Zeref whispered, to himself more than the boy. "I finally brought you back.."

"Back?" The boy asked, oblivious to the situation, "I never left?"

Zeref was taken aback by the statement, "Oh Natsu.." He felt genuine kindness, something he hadn't felt in a long time, or, at least tried not to.

"I still don't get what's going on..." Natsu reminded his brother, "All you've done is cry and say like, two words."

"You died..." Zeref could barely get out the words.

Natsu looked skeptical for a moment before saying; "I'm not expert an of life and death but I'm pretty sure you don't come back after you die?"

"I brought you back.." At this point whether or not Zeref was talking to himself or his brother was a mystery.

Natsu looked up, starry-eyed, at his brother. "Cool..." He muttered.

Zeref let of a half-hearted laugh at this. "I suppose it was pretty cool.."

It didn't take long for Natsu to speak again, "How'd you do it?"

As Zeref explained how he had made hundreds of other Etherious before him, and how he had a curse, along with a few questions such as "Wait, so I'm a demon now too?!" he eventually finished his long story.

A silence over took the room, before Natsu decided to ask yet another question. "Wait wait wait, hold up, so, you kept my body for over 300 years?"

"Yes."

"And made sure it didn't decay?"

"Yes as well."

Natsu looked at his skeptical for a minute before retaliating, "Who keeps a 7 year old's body for 400 years?"

Zeref was surprised by this, he barely stuttered out, "W-well, I.."

"And where did you even keep it? Did you just have some kind of machine in your basement or something?"

Zeref was now at a lose for words, he had a point.. What if he had failed? Would he had kept his younger brothers body? Would he ha-

His train of thought was interrupted as Natsu launched yet another question, "And how did you even get it? Did you dig it up? Was it just given to you or something?"

Zeref then tried to change the subject with, "W-well, at least your alive, right? I me-"

But before he could finish, Natsu let out a hearty sigh. "As weird as always, eh?"

Zeref took a moment to comprehend the sentence before giving a large smile,

"I suppose so."

* * *

This one might just be the shortest chapter, rolling in with 490 words, excluding the author notes.

This idea came up when me and ef07 were talking about how it was really weird how Zeref kept Natsu's body for like, 300 years. On another not, Zeref's kind of a dick. He get's his brother back after hundreds of years and there's no brother adventures or anything, just "yay you're back now kill your brother." like? But I'm getting off track here.

Most concepts inspired by conversations with ef07


	5. Ignorance is bliss

Alright, this was just a warm-up really, so it's real short. But I thought I should post anyway!

I haven't updated in forever, so I'll just go on a full on writing rampage! Alright, that may not excuse my absence, but it's better than waiting forever for one chapter, right?

* * *

"What, like some kind of demon?"

"Yes, that's what I've been saying for the past 7 years I've known you." The dragon slayer hissed.

Gray stared at Natsu for a moment before turning back to his food. "And here I was thinking you'd gotten over that weird edgy phase."

"I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN" Natsu thundered, "IF YOU'D JUST LISTEN FOR ONCE YOU'D-"

"He'd what?" Erza inquired as she approached the two, as an attempt to quiet them.

However, this did not have the affect she'd hoped, as this only seemed to increase the salmon haired boys volume. "GODDAMMIT!"

Natsu was fuming at this point, and frankly, his team was worried. "Maybe you should take the day off.."

"Ugh!" Natsu sneered, walking away from the group, presumably to blow off steam.

As he walked into the forest he'd practically memorized, he noticed a figure near a river.

As he moved further toward the figure, he noticed that it was indeed his brother, Zeref.

"Is it just me, or has humanity gotten dumber since 400 years ago?"

Zeref turned, tensing slightly, but relaxed as he saw it was his brother.

"The guild not realizing you're a demon yet?"

"Ding ding ding, we got a winner!"

Zeref smiled slightly, "You know, at first, I was worried about you telling your friends, but at this point it's just annoying their not noticing."

Natsu sat down beside him. "Me too. But now I'm pretty sure they just think I'm crazy, and I'm not sure if that's better or worse than being a demon."

Zeref glanced at him before returning his gaze to the river. "You know, you could just ditch him all together if you want."

"What!? They may be annoying sometimes, but I can't just leave them! They're my family!" Natsu exclaimed.

Zeref looked surprised at the outburst, before responding. "Well, can't argue with that."

Natsu started to lie down on the grass, looking up at the sky. "You saw it here folks, the great Zeref proved wrong once again by the super-duper-mega-awesome Natsu Dragneel once more!" He shouted in a fake announcer voice.

"Oi!"

* * *

Oh, erm, maybe not that short. Oh well. Still a warm-up i suppose.


	6. Whoops

Summary: Remember kids, keep track of you zombies!

* * *

"You see this!? **This** is a zombie, not me! You hear?!" Natsu bellowed at the Fairy Tail guild, most backing away from the biting zombie Natsu currently held by it's collar.

"R-Right, now uh, do you think you could maybe get that thing away from us?" Lucy stammered.

"No! Not until you realize the difference between a zombie and a demon! Alright?" Natsu yelled, unintentionally letting go the Zombie in his ranting.

"Alright, alright, then can we go?" Gray requested.

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

As Natsu lectured them on the subject, the zombie waled off and started making quite the mess, biting people and tipping things over, the newly infected zombies doing the same.

"U-um, guys? You may want to do something about this..." Wendy mumbled, though nobody responded, either ignoring the dragon-slayer or not hearing her.

The Zombies only continued their rampage of the town, some locking up their doors and some rushing to get food from the abandoned shops.

"Really guys, we should do something before they get to other towns." But yet again nobody responded.

Military now started coming in, shooting the zombies in an attempt on control the situation.

"Guys?" No response, all other eyes glued to Natsu who continued his lesson, it was unclear whether he was unaware of the problem, or simply didn't care.

Mages were being flown in, using all their magic in a futile attempt to save Fiore from a brain-eating fate.

"GUYS PAY ATTENTION TO THE ZOMBIE APOCOLASPE!" Suddenly, all eyes were on the blue-haired girl, as she covered her mouth in shock, going slightly red-faced.

Everyone was surprised to hear that outburst, but looking around they realized the severity of the situation.

Natsu looked down guiltily at his own hand, where the zombie was supposed to be.

Looking around, seeing nothing but the un-dead, the mages were seemingly stuck in an island devoid of any other human life.

"Hehe.. Whoops?"

* * *

I'm half asleep, so if you notice any mistake, please inform me in the comments! Also, I realize this chapter should probably be the mini one. Hehe, whoops?


End file.
